I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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