If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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