I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
