I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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