come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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