I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
