I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm like, not good at living.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
