why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
