3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
