our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
