I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Farmville is her only friend.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
