Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
