I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
