Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
