A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
