ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
