We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
