She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
