I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
