Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
