I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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