i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
