he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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