areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
