Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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