So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
