Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
