If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
