Just cropdusted the office
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
