Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
