my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
