I think my vagina is haunted
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
