tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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