I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
