i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
