If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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