you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
