It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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