I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
