i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
