I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
where are my eyebrows?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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