i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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