You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
