I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Someone came in the potted fern
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
