My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Still dying that you shit outside
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
