Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
