she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
