margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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