We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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