Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
