im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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